We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
