she woke up with a sticky ear
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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