She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
