Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
