He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
