the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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