i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
