that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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