you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
