I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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