i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize