I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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