Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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