there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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