She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
