I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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