btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Every concussion has its silver lining
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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