I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
