seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
