I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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