the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
