Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
