Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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