last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
