before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
