I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
be right there i have to get my cape
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
