Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
