Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
NoShamevember. You game?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
