"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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