just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
