i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
