never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
