i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
