Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
