You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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