i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
