Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
