He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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