That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
