I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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