I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
