am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
