so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
