the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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