She is in my trunk
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
