Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
