I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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