My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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