I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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