Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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